I was 16 years old when I first ventured out into the city on my own. I remember the eagerness and joy I felt walking from Times Square down to Korea town. How my hair blew against the cool wind and how I enjoyed every second of it. I felt like I was in a movie and everything around me was just like I had imagined.Then I found myself in one of the least exciting things the city has to offer, a train. I suddenly came back to reality and lost that joy and eagerness . It was my first time going to the city, but it was my hundredth time riding the subway. I was born in Queens, but grew up in the south Bronx and have never left since then.
I lived in NYC my entire life but it was as if it was my first time here.I was in middle school when this occurred to me. My friends knew their way around and could tell you how to get to any deli within a ten block radius, but I would get lost wandering two blocks away from my school. I wanted to be like them, and be able to give directions anywhere but I couldn’t because I didn’t know where I was half the time. I couldn’t wait to go out into the world. Unlucky for me, that was not happening any time soon. Fast forward to my junior year of middle school. I was finally allowed to ride the bus alone. I felt as though I was finally growing up and I would be able to explore my surroundings a little more but that thought quickly disappeared. Even though I went to school by myself I was still being monitored and had to let my parents know where I was every second of the day, which I found ridiculous since my school was only ten blocks away from home. My friends talked about there time in the city. All the shops and broadway shows around 42nd street but I couldn’t really relate. My knowledge of the city and Times Square came from others experiences and movies, much like Didion everything seemed a bit unrealistic because it never actually felt like I was living here in NYC..
Then high school came around and that’s when I came across a little issue.. I was expected to travel on my own. I had done that before of course, but I only ever took the bus and only a few stops. Then the feeling I had felt as a child came back, how I was jealous of my friends because they could go anywhere they wanted without having to search for directions. I felt embarrassed, how could I call myself a New Yorker if I have never actually been around New York. Even if I didn’t know it, I loved it. I loved the thought of living in the city that never sleeps. It’s where people go to be successful. Nothing happened until junior year. I joined my schools volleyball team and it was the first time I was going to be able to travel to different parts of the city. Even if I didn’t stay long I liked it because I would at least be able to learn new routes to places. I already knew my way around Harlem but I didn’t dare to go any further, not until the end of junior year. It was the beginning of June and I decided to go out with some friends to Times Square. When I got out of the subway all I saw where giant screens, tourists and stores and everything I had seen in movies, it was exactly what I expected. Crowded streets and lots of faces from around the world. This reminds me of Didion while she was eating a peach on Lexington avenue “I could taste the peach and feel the soft air blowing from a subway grate Ing on my legs” (228). Even though there was a foul smell, she stood there starry eyed and looked at her surroundings in admiration. I related to this because it was exactly how I felt in that moment. Even though some of the streets were dirty and it smelled funny, I was amazed by everything around me. What I saw in movies about Times Square was true.
I stood there for a few minutes taking it all in until I realized my friends were staring at me. I knew it was because they didn’t understand. They had been here countless times so it was nothing new to them. They were used to everything, the lights the sounds the smell. They were immune to the feeling I was experiencing. I tried explaining but they didn’t understand. They were amazed by the ideas that a New Yorker had never actually travelled around New York. We walked further down and found ourselves in Herald Square. It was around 7 and the sunset was unbelievable. The bright orange light peaking through the buildings. The best part of the day was when it got dark. That’s when you could really see the screens that light up the streets. After a long day we made our way back to the subway and everything aside from the horrible garbage smell disappeared. It’s like the subway took me from a dream back to reality. One minute we are in the land of Oz and the next we are back in Kansas. The streets filled with garbage and people begging for money all year round. This is the part of NYC that I don’t like. How everything is divided. The nicer areas are downtown where the money is, and everywhere else it’s dirty and less glamorous. Although my opinion is based off of the places I have gone to so far.
That’s one thing that Didion failed to experience. She talked about Manhattan and the hardships she had because she never really bothered to explore further. It’s also why she felt everything was a routine. She spent her 8 years in the same place so of course she is going to see the same faces. If she would have delved further I think her mindset would have changed. Even though I am amazed every time I go to Times Square I know that’s not all there is in New York . This leads me to disagree with her belief that it is not possible “… For anyone brought up in the East to appreciate entirely what New York, the idea of New York means…”(Didion 231). I was born in NYC and feel very thankful that there is so much to explore and that I am surrounded by many different cultures. Not just people but I can feel as though I am actually in another country when walking through little Italy, China town and Korea town. Even now that I am in college and have traveled more, I have still never set foot in Brooklyn, and the one time I went Queens I got lost. So I disagree, not everyone who was brought up in the East is used to the city. The difference between her experience and mine is that I know there is more to the city then Times Square. I can look back on my experience and see that my love for the city has not changed. I still love walking around Harold street by all the clothing shops down to 28th street by all the cute coffee shops and even further down to China town, where they have the best soup dumplings. The only thing that has changed is how I view New York. My knowledge is not just based off of books and movies anymore but by my own experiences. And that knowledge keeps on growing everyday.
